Wow. I didn't actually intend to disappear for, like, a whole week. And I can't even properly catch up on my friends list, because I've only got an hour to use this place's free wifi. This new medicine (I write, cringing) puts me to sleep pretty easily, but I'm still sleeping in until the afternoon (that's like, twelve + hours a night), so this cafe is closed before I'm in the mood to use it (for some reason I'm not comfortable using Teki's computer). The current theory is that having something to wake up for will fix that up.

I'm on craigslist right now, trying to figure out what kind of work I can get because I need to get funds pronto. I need to make enough for a deposit and the first months rent on an apartment, not to mention important furniture like a mattress, and cooking supplies. It has to either be something I can get to by bus, or a night job so I can use one of my parents' cars. Which is kind of lame, because I'm suffering from the "suppos'dtos." As in, at my age, I'm supposed to have my own car, because you're not a whole person until you're making down payments. I'm still getting paid ten dollars an hour to do yardwork from my parents, and will be getting paid for house-sitting for tekiclutch, but something tells me that won't be enough. 'Cos I also need money for Chicago. And new clothing, because both pairs of jeans are now threadbare.

Oh hey. I could be a "bikini barista." ¬_¬

Don't mean to sound so negative, because otherwise it's been a rather relaxing and recuperative week.

THE (✔)-(✖) MEME // my thread

I FEAR NO CRITICISM. Muahahahaha!

In a little while I'm off to house-sit for tekiclutch. I suspect that after I drop my things off at her house there shall be last-hurrah shenannigans before she goes off to Yellowstone. Then I shall spend the next two weeks playing Fallout 3.

I'm watching the Mini chase from The Bourne Identity. I love that plucky little car.

I want to talk about bipolar disorder on my journal but because of some recent experiences I've had I feel I need to leave a disclaimer. In the past I've had people take advantage of me because of my ... well I'm not sure if it's my naivety or because I can be too eager to help, but lets just say I have a pattern and that pattern has left me open to emotional vampirism. It's made me sensitive to the idea that when you ask people for emotional support, especially if you've only just met them or only know them casually, it's important to appreciate them and not to take advantage of another person's good intentions. The last thing in the world I want to be is an emotional drain on my friends. I won't ever let my emotional well-being get effected by how many comments I get or whether or not I'm getting the answers I want from any of you. That's not my intention when I use this LJ as an outlet for what I'm going through. I just want to make sure you know I appreciate you guys.

I've just been prescribed Seroquel (I was originally prescribed Geodon, but it was way too expensive and strong) - if anybody has any experiences with it, I'd appreciate any input. The main side-effects I hear about is drowsiness, high blood sugar, and weight gain. What that means is I won't be up all night for shenannigans as much *sad puppy noises* and that I'll really need to pay attention to what I eat. Working out will probably help to counter-effect weight-gain, too. I've only just started on 50mg; will take one a day for four days, then another four-day set at 150mg, and if I'm doing well after that they'll level me out at 200mg. Took my first pill last night and they're not fucking around with the drowsiness business. A combination of the pill and my frakked-up circadian rhythm had me sleeping for fifteen hours. I think once my body gets the message that the afternoon is too late to sleep in it won't effect me as much.

Honestly, it's pretty scary. I barely take Aspirin for headaches, pills freak me out that much. But I'm desperate enough to take whatever I'm prescribed; I'm just tired of being so affected by this. I don't want my life run by bipolar or depression. It's eaten enough of my life already. Last quarter at school was the final straw. I am also a little scared about medication making me feel suicidal, like depression meds have a tendency to; I've never had a suicidal thought in my life and I'd kind of like to keep it that way. I'm going to take stock of my emotional ups and downs during this regimen so I can be conscious of how it's effecting me. Damn, I sound paranoid.

You want to hear something really dorky? What I'm really hoping to get out of this is to be able to finish fanfiction. If I have enough concentration to work on stories, self-study and art should also come very easily. Oh yeah, and also getting a job would be a good thing. Priorities, i has silly ones.

Was going to study Latin on the comfy couch in the TV-less room, but then there was a tiny, menacing spider after me, so I've gone back into the safety of my sunless bedroom. There were quite a lot of adjectives in that previous sentence, weren't there? At least this time I steered away from alliteration.

More people need to do this meme so I can upload more music. Free music, guys! Freeeeeeee. For you.

Okay, the real reason I'm posting is because I'm trying to distract myself from how nervous I am about seeing a new therapist today. I'm also frustrated because I am trying to get information from my mom, SCAD and the hospital all aligned and since NOBODY WILL GIVE ME THE INFORMATION I NEED I still don't have my records faxed over to the doctor. MY MOM HAD THE FAX NUMBER ALL THIS TIME I'M GOING TO STRANGLE HER ARGH.

... as I was saying, it's really nerve-wracking going to see a new therapist. It took so much for me to start going to counseling in the first place, and being bumped from person to person for months while still not having any actual treatment to speak of makes me want to tear my hair out. I wanted to have spent all of June getting used to medicine and getting myself better so that I could spend the rest of my summer break on the other things that needed to be done, like raising money and finishing personal projects. Instead, all of June has been a haze of insomnia and wasted time. If I don't come out of today with a medicine or a treatment plan in my hand, I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't solve this problem on my own because I can't solve problems with this disorder, so if I still don't have any answers I seriously can't figure out what to do with my life, even if I have a goal in mind. Suck.

This entry turned angsty-wangst right quick. As reward for putting up with me, here's Ben Barnes as Dorian Gray. (stolen from omg_mcg)

( You'll want to see this. )

That'll keep you warm through the winter.

The way I sleep is officially FUBAR'D. I did a stay-up-for-two-days thing to try and reset myself, it worked for a day, then I went back to the usual: falling asleep at around six or seven a.m. and not waking up until the afternoon. So despite the fact that I had only been up for five hours I took a sleeping pill last night and I'm just waking up now. I feel weird, like I'm breaking my body's rules and it will pay me back for this.

But it's all cool because I woke up to gembat and stickymint's sleepbet. RULE.

*off to get some tea 'n banana nut bread*

ETA: It's a really good thing I'm about to house-sit for tekiclutch. My family is getting on my last nerve. I made spaghetti squash last night, which nobody bothered to put away, and it was left on the counter to rot. My sister snaps at me any time I say anything while she's in the room. And my stepdad gets mad at anybody who makes noise over 30 decibels. I can pls to be having my own place nao?

VoicePost 77K 0:23

“Ok just for clarity to say I'm gonna give the correct pronunciation if I can speak of the words I gave Taboo or I gave Telly. There's with whom, they re come to Laila it's raining here by the way and get you them and I also kinda wanna see what other transcripts those to those words.” Auto-Transcribed Voice Post

FFFFF, I accidentally called tahu "Callie", because I'm stupid.

VoicePost 66K 0:20

“Kenya de blah valid my ___ folding your court I guess my sister has a little bit of a problem with the phone and I can get you to come in your court date is your mother calling you back to see if you had any questions or concerns.” Auto-Transcribed Voice Post

Ball's in tahus court.

Oh god, and Misha is threatening tweets. I'm probably not going to sleep tonight. XD

EPIC AUTO-TRANSCRIBE IS EPIC.

VoicePost 110K 0:33

“Hello I'm doing a voice post because there's a memo or mem or mey(?) mey(?) going around asking people to print out a bunch of words so that she can know how we strange people talk so on and so here is my list Charlotte either lilac February roof chilly creek address wolf mem idea and wash. I was fine.” Auto-Transcribed Voice Post

This is a meme, done for tahu.

x. Charlotte
x. Either
x. Lilac
x. February
x. Roof
x. Chili
x. Creek
x. Address
x. Wolf
x. Meme
x. Idea
x. Wash

ETA: X'D LOLZ @ AUTO-TRANSCRIBE.

tahu has more memes for me..

YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 28 things about you. I don't care if we've never talked, never really clicked, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my flist, so let me know with whom I'm friends!

01. Your Middle Name, or explain your Chosen Name:
02. Mental Age:
03. Single or Taken:
04. Favorite Book:
05. Favorite Song or Album:
06. What do you believe is your calling in life? Your greatest passion?
07. What's your worst recurring nightmare/biggest fear?
08. Faith, has you any? And if so, what, and if not, why not?:
09. Do we know each other outside of LJ? Do we want to?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you tell me something painful if it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes what are they?
17. What is your favorite food?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Gender identity?
26. Affectionate/sexual orientation?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

From postal152

1. Pick a number or two (or seven or nineteen) between 1 and 2637.
2. I'll find the corresponding track in my iTunes library.
3. Said track will be uploaded for your listening pleasure.
4. Do it too! I wanna hear your music (I am making this optional).

DO THE MEME, BBS!

The worst chore in the world has to be the dreaded menu planner. Not only is it a confusing and disheartening task, but many past experiences tell me that it is a fruitless pursuit. Sure, you can say that you're going to have Fettuccine on Wednesday, but when the last family member finally rolls into the house at around 10:30 saying that they've eaten fast food and your little sister has already blown you off in favor of a pile of microwaved syrup with some chicken in it, my quarry is lost and perfectly delightful vegetables are left to rot in the crisper rather than yielding their precious nutrients to my family, who needs them.

/Lord of all run-on sentences.

It's also made that little bit harder because I am the only vegetarian here; I don't want to force my diet on my family, especially because of the way they turn their noses up at it, but I feel uncomfortable putting things on the menu they usually like to eat. I'm not saying that I'm some sort of paragon of good health (rum in a bucket, hello), but it is obvious that the usual diet is making everybody ill. I've tried to bring it up before, but they think I'm trying to rub my veggie-ness in their faces; I'm not! I've never once tried to convince them to become vegetarianists. However, I don't think buying tons of junk food, cooking everything in butter, eating too much red meat and adding cheese to everything is helping with the early-onset diabetes, depression, bipolar and general unhealth we're suffering from. It doesn't help to not tell them a meal is vegetarian; they can see through my clever subterfuges because the hunger for precious meats has made them wily.

I've gained poundage since I've been back, too. :( I needs to make moneys and get back to Georgia where I was more in control of my diet. Most people gain weight when they leave for college - I lost it. And I was doing so well; now I feel like I've suffered a massive backslide. And really the only change is the amount of dairy I'm eating - being that I can never convince anybody to buy vegetables my diet is consisting mostly of cheese and carbohydrates. Which, ya know ... not a combination traditionally great for losing weight.

You know what's the most annoying thing? Having to talk about being a vegetarian. I don't like to do it. I know how it sounds to other people: obnoxious. Even if I don't mean it too, no matter how casually I bring it up, it does. I just want to eat healthy food that will not kill me and not be told I'm a nut for doing so. :\ I just don't see what's so weird about it.

Stephen Fry (my most favoritest person in the world) was on Top Gear last night! Watch him here talking about losing weight (six stone/80lbs), twittering, breaking traffic laws and attempting to cruise homosexuals with his iPhone. And he drives a car, even.

Hey, who wants to see some facebook-style pictures that will get me fired in the future? :D

( Tacoma! Jump on it! )

tekiclutch quit her crappy job. HALLELUJAH. You know what that means?

PAAAARRTYYYYY!!*

* To us, "party" typically means drinking a rather conservative amount of alcohol, watching a bunch of British television, and discussing fanfiction.

WOO, PARTY.

Dear fanmix authors,

If you're going to use music you've downloaded via other fanmixes, it would be in prudent to remove the artwork and title before throwing them in a zip folder and uploading it. Some people might come into the assumption that you are a lazy ass.

Yours, etc.

( SPN SEASON 5 SPOILERS, SPOILERS, BIG FLASHY SPOILER WARNING. )

Wow.

Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson.

Just ... wow.

Liiiiiittle bit of a friends cut. No hard feelings.

I totes feel guilty but it had to be done. The f-list was getting too unmanageable, and I'm also trying to eliminate some of the drama from my internets life.

This can be a reverse thing, too. If you want to defriend me, it's no-questions asked defriending day!

You guys, I'm so glad Top Gear is back. The Supernatural hellatus was going to kill me, no new Doctor Who within sight - so basically the timing is perfect. I fear I've overdone the capping thing here; just call me "enthusiastic". :D And I've added a few notations for those of you who don't watch it.

I love the previews that they do in the first episode of every series. They're always EPIC.



( This race was AWESOME. )

( And now, for no good reason at all, some gifs. )

Columbia Pictures is in advanced talks with David Fincher to direct The Social Network, the Aaron Sorkin-scripted film about the formation of Facebook, reports Variety.

The film will focus on the evolution of Facebook from its 2004 creation on the Harvard campus by sophomore Mark Zuckerberg to a juggernaut with more than 200 million members.

I hate facebook, but if this happens I'ma be first in line. David Fincher directing a movie Aaron Sorkin wrote ... can't. brain. just. want.

I fail at waking up to my alarm.

Just a little update: while I was away at Teki's, my sisters and Jim went to go see my mom in the hospital. They say she's doing a lot better already, which leads me to believe that the problem was an imbalance from her medication. We usually don't talk about these things in my household, but I think the time has come for me to start talking to her about her experiences with bi-polar disorder. The fact of the matter is that I have this thing too, and since my diagnosis it has really been freaking me out. I associate it with her violent outbursts and suicide attempts, so the idea of becoming that unstable really frightens me. I need to understand it. Even though she's been really frail lately and I've been too nervous to bring things up I need to know her experience with medicines, whether or not her thyroid problems interfere with treatment, why things have gotten this bad just in the past five years, etc. If I don't learn I risk repeating the same pattern. I'd like to enjoy some self-awareness. Anyway ...

To-Do List, not to deviated from; the consequences of so doing being that I allow my inhumanly strong little sister to hit me in the shins with a cricket bat.

1. Take a short walk, get the blood flowing, see the sunlight.


2. Eat something


3. Read more 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea; as in, try and finish it. The library wants it's Jules Verne collection back.


4. Have dinner.


5. Go on Posemaniacs and do some figure drawing.


6. Wriiiiiiite.